Welcome To The In Between

SPEAKER_01 0:00

This is Between the Prayer and the Promise, a faith-centered podcast for anyone who's ever found themselves waiting on God. You've prayed, you've believed, you've stood on his word, and yet you're still waiting, still trusting, still holding on to what he's promised, even when you can't see it yet. We gather here once a month to share real stories from real people, navigating that sacred and sometimes lonely space between what we've asked God for and what we're still believing him to do. This is a place for honest faith. The kind that admits God, that wrestles with that delay. But in spite of all that, we still choose to trust. Because here's the truth. The way is not wasted. God is faithful in every season, especially the ones that test us the most. So if you're listening and you're in that in-between season and you're holding on by a thread of faith, know this. You are not forgotten, and you are not alone. Let's trust him together. Right here, between the prayer and the promise.

Between Silence And Song

SPEAKER_01 1:32

You know, there are moments in life where we all feel a little lost, a little unheard. You know, I certainly have, which is why I created this space, why I created this podcast. Today we're calling this episode between the silence and the song. It's for anyone who's ever felt that way. Because some of us, we didn't just lose things, we literally lost our voice, we lost our confidence, we lost our sense of work. And if that's you right now, I'm telling you, stay tuned to this episode. Because this one was made just for you. You may have some tears, but guess what? God has counted each and every one of them. I need you to know something. You are not alone. Maybe you're walking around right now, maybe you have your earbuds on, maybe you're trying to outrun the pain. I know sometimes I would just be doing the dishes. I was trying to drown out the pain of the memories. Sometimes I will be up at two in the morning because sleep just wouldn't come. I've been there. So wherever you're at, I see you. I know. Again, that's why I created this space. But more importantly, God sees you, God knows. And I want you to know that silence does not mean absence. Sometimes it just means that we're surviving something we don't yet have the language for. I am sitting here today with someone who truly understands what it means to reclaim your voice, to reclaim your identity. Aggie Park, Mrs. California, Royal United Universe. She grew up believing that she was disposable. She was abandoned by those who should have loved her most. She was bullied for being different and silenced by shame so heavy that she could barely breathe. But here's what moved me most about her story. Everything the enemy meant to destroy her with, God is now using as her microphone. Aggie is a host of the Unspoken Podcast. Literally, she's given voice to the voiceless. She is a model, she is in pageants competing. She is standing tall in the very body that Shane once tried to make her hate. Now she's walking bold in identity, she's walking boldly in healing and in purpose. Y'all help me welcome Aggie. And I just want to thank her right now for trusting us with her story. You guys help me welcome Aggie to our stage.

Meeting Aggie Park

SPEAKER_01 4:52

All right, we're just gonna dive right in. Welcome, welcome, welcome, Angie. I am so happy that you are here and you are here. So let's start

Childhood Wounds And Shame

SPEAKER_01 5:03

off. Let's go back to the moment from where it all began. When do you first remember feeling the weight of not being good enough, not being worthy? How old were you? What was happening? Can you tell us about that?

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Yes, so it started early from my childhood. I would say probably around three or five years old. I didn't get to see my dad for the first time until I was six or seven. My mom, I believe, didn't want me. So she treated me with no love, with a lot of abuse and hatred. And so as a kid, you know, you're confused because as parents, you should love your kids. So in my mind, why do my parents who are supposed to love me not love me? Am I not good enough? Am I not smarter enough? Am I not beautiful enough? Right. And also when I was in Germany, I was the only Asian student there. So they made fun of how I looked, how I spoke. So adding that insecurity and doubt into my heart and my mind, I truly believed that I had no value, I had no worth, that nobody truly loved me or cared for me. Then why was I created? And actually, public speaking is one of my greatest fears because when I was in Germany, every time I spoke because I had an accent, they made fun of me. So I just stayed silent the whole time. But like you said, every story carries its own unique beauty, power, and purpose because there's no story that is exactly the same. And that one story is for at least that one person. And if we are brave enough to share our raw, real, and unfinished story, and it impacts that person, it gives that person hope and healing and freedom, then it's absolutely worth it to conquer our fears.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Oh my goodness, you dealt with double isolation there, like feeling like not loved by your parents, and then also being like the only Asian. Like, how did you make it through that? What did you tell yourself as a young, young lady to make it through that period in your life?

SPEAKER_00 7:21

I don't know honestly how I made it through. I just knew that I only had one friend the whole entire middle school, and she was an outsider too. So I really think that even though I didn't know God back then, I didn't know Jesus back then, he he knew me. He knew me before I was in my mother's womb. He knew my struggles, even though I didn't know it. He knew my pain, even so I didn't know it as a kid, right? Because as a kid, you don't know really what you're going through. But he knows everything. And I believe that his spiritually sustained me because there's no other explanation than that, than Jesus, because yeah, on your own, it's impossible to endure that, especially as a kid.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Wow. That is so true. And you know, just talking about this this feeling of worthiness or not feeling worthy, so many of us and people that might be listening wear that badge like almost like it's a badge of honor, right? That we're not worthy. We we wear it like a permanent tattoo, like it's it's it's in our souls, right? And and almost like we're too broken, we're too different, we're too wounded to be used by God. Was there like a crap in that foundation for you? A moment, a thought, a person when that lie began to like loosen, like it no longer had a grip on you when you know, like, no, that's not true. I I am worthy, I am okay. What was it that kind of shifted that a little bit for you?

Worship As A Lifeline

SPEAKER_00 9:01

I'm not saying I have it all figured out and I'm fully healed. I'm still in the healing and in the between season, but God is so kind, he's so gentle, he's so patient with us that every time I believe the enemies lie and the traumas lie that I'm useless and worthless. He is just so sweet, he just gives me a song. Like last week, I was feeling down again. I I really didn't want to live anymore, and I had carried a lot of depression. But I was waking up with this melody in my head, and I didn't even know what that song was, and I was just googling what I knew, and I found the song, and it's Anymore by Kane. It's basically saying, I cannot love you anymore. You matter to me, I know you, your life is worth dying for. Look at the cross. When you doubt, look at the cross, look at my scars. That is how much I love you. Even though you, if you would be the only person in the whole entire universe in the history, I would still come down from heaven and died your death for you, died your pain and your shame and your sins for you. That is how much I value you, and that is how much you are worth. Your true identity is in me and me alone, because I have created you, not other people, not other traumas or pain, but the Lord Almighty has created you. Therefore, only He has the authority to say what you're worth.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Wow, it sounds like you kind of have a method almost that God has for you when you are down, like through worship to kind of lift you back up and and kind of like serve as this is this is your notice that God sees you, that God, that God hasn't forgotten you, and He uses He uses songs for God.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Yes. Actually, the other day, yesterday, I was just looking at my Facebook memories, and it's just God's perfect timing because it's literally the day before we record. Five years ago, I posted a remembrance of the songs that Jesus gave me. When I fell down, he gave me the song Redeeming the Years by Jubilee. And it just basically said, I see your tears, I haven't forgotten about you, but the tears that you sow will reap a bountiful, beautiful harvest greater than your pain. And when I felt far away from God, I felt I disappointed him. He gave me a song called Same God by Hannah Kerr. That I love you the same, no matter how much your love towards me drifts, because my love for you is not based on you. My love is because I am love. And when I wondered if I pleased him, he gave me the song Move Your Heart by Maverick City Music. Basically, that I move his heart because I am his beloved daughter, not what I accomplished for him, not, you know, not my pain, my shame, my achievements, but because I am his, and that is it. I think he's just constantly reminding me that our identity oftentimes we think is in our accomplishments, right? In what we do. But it's more than who we are and whose we are. And he's so kind and patient and gentle that every time we forget, he gently reminds us. He doesn't shame us, he doesn't condemn us, he doesn't shout to us, he sings that truth over to us. And like he said, worship and songs are just my favorite type of worship because not only is it so sweet that the Lord sings over you, but you can offer that song back to him as a gratitude offering.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

That's beautiful. So if you're listening right now and you're like, God, you're silent, I don't know what's going on. Turn on the worship song. Let him speak in your heart that way. God speaks in so many different ways. And you know, I like the fact that you said that you're still on this journey because to be honest, a lot of us are on this journey, right? And healing, it isn't always this perfect, beautiful picture. It isn't always this beautiful worship song, even though we're talking about worship songs. Sometimes it isn't that, and sometimes even a song can be a trigger, right? It can be a trigger, it can it can be that ugly cry, right? I had that yesterday. Those ugly cries, and it can be a little messy, and honestly, create this podcast came because of mess. If I'm gonna be very honest, because I was like, God, I need you, I I need you, it's messy, but I know that you're there and I trust you, even though I don't see it, even though I don't feel it because it's not based on how I feel, but I trust your word in the middle, in the silence, and I know that I know that there is an expected end because your word says so, right? And so, what does this middle look like in that ugly cry, right? And so, what were your unexpected detour moments of doubts, the step backwards? You know what I mean? And on those days, and you kind of talked about it a little bit. What were the practical things? I know you said you listened to music. Is there anything else that you did to remind you of God's unconditional love? Because that's what I really want to remind people of, and that is the whole purpose of this. Because even if you don't have all the answers, because sometimes we don't, I just want to remind people there are some things you can do, like listen to music, of course, pray. But what else is there anything else that you do in those moments that might help the listeners today?

SPEAKER_00 15:08

It's

Honest Prayer And Daily Signs

SPEAKER_00 15:09

different for everyone because, like you said, Jesus speaks in different pathways or different methods, but for me, I just really ask God, okay, Lord, I'm just honest with Him. I really am angry or frustrated or bitter, or I really don't believe your truth right now, even though in my head I know this is what your word says, but in my heart, I really don't believe it. Lord, help me help me to see the truth, help me to really believe it. And then the Holy Spirit would just show me throughout the day somehow just little silly moments that the Father truly sees me, not in just like the spiritual things, you know what I mean, but like in the everyday mundane things that He He sees me. So I remember one time, I know it's silly, but I remember one time I dyed my hair really blonde and it was dry and frizzy, and I felt really ugly and insecure about myself. And I was walking down to the market, and then this old grandpa, and mind you, men don't really don't recognize your hair, okay, or you or compliment you on your hair. But this old grandpa said, I like your hair, you have such nice hair, which wasn't true, so my opinion, but I think God was revealing to me that's how he sees me, even though I see myself with flaws, with imperfections, with scars, that's not how he sees us. He sees us as perfect, as pure, as lovely as Jesus because of the finished work on the cross.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Yes, that is so good. Being you said being honest with God, I think that that is so helpful just to say exactly how you feel, exactly what is going on, because sometimes we try to keep it to ourselves, right? We try to pretend like it's something that it's not, versus saying, God, I'm tired or I'm hurt or I'm disappointed or I don't understand this, right? And so being honest with God with where you're at at this moment, because guess what? He sees you and he cares about you, right? And he says, Cast your cares upon him because he cares for you. Guess what? Sometimes we're not casting it, we're trying to carry it. And when you go speak your truth, guess what you're doing? You're carrying the weight that you were never meant to carry. And so thank you. That is so good. We have to cast our truth onto him. So speaking it is a great way to kind of release that because guess what? This is my truth, and then it's it is those little things, like you said. I can walk down now, I can get a get something that I wasn't expecting, or what he lets me know that he sees me, he lets me know that he cares, even about the things that we we find that are little or we find that because he cares, he knows every he knows that hair that we put on our hands, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:08

Yes, it's so good. Yeah, true healing and true freedom and true relationship, friendship, and intimacy with God, just like in any other relationship, right? Begins with honestly, honesty, because you cannot build or or deepen your relationship without being honest. And I think oftentimes we fear being honest to God because we fear that he would be mad at us, he would condemn us. But the Bible says there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, and so I really encourage all of us to just be honest. You don't have to pray or talk to God like in a formal way or in a polished way, you know, just be real with him because he already knows, and he's not gonna condemn you, he just wants to heal you and set you free, and that starts with honesty, yes, and and another thing, you're talking so good right now, Aggie girl.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

You talking, honey. I don't know. Y'all did not want to miss this. Another thing when we're going through, it can feel very lonely. Sometimes we don't know who to talk to, who to, who can we literally share our every single thing with without feeling any judgment with? Yes, other than God, and we don't want to feel isolated, and you share share your truth with him, you are no longer in isolation, and isolation that can be a trick of the enemy. You don't have to be isolated, so share your truth, your ugly truth, all of your truth, yeah, everything how you feel. So be free. So that is good, and so as we just move it along in this beautiful conversation, so thank you again for for just being bearing it all to us today.

When Faith Becomes Real

SPEAKER_01 19:54

We have this head knowledge, right? Of faith, right? Faith without words instead, prayer without ceasing, all these great cliches and things. And it's not really cliches, it's it really works, right? But we have all these things that we know, but when did this become more more than theology to you, more than just a head knowledge? When did it become real to you? When did it shift to like this is not just a faith thing? This is this is real. Jesus is real, like he literally changed.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Yes, amen. Oh my goodness, there's so many instances, but one of my just most memorable ones was when I was worshiping at church to the song Thank You Jesus for the Blood by Charity Gale. I knew in my head that Jesus died for the world and that Jesus died for me. But when I was worshipping it, when we're worshiping to the song, I was bawling. I was just crying those ugly, just cry like that you mentioned. And I didn't know why at first, but then the Holy Spirit revealed to me when my tears dropped into the palm of my hands. I just felt it so powerfully. And then the Holy Spirit spoke to me. Those are the very tears that Jesus Christ shed for you personally, Aggie. And it just blew my mind, it just opened my eyes and I go, Oh my goodness, Jesus Christ cried the same tears, carried the same pain, felt the same shame that I did on the cross so that He can set me free, He can heal me, He can redeem me. And now He has redeemed all the pain for a greater purpose. Like you said, I was bullied, like I shared earlier, I was bullied for my looks and for my speech, and I was abandoned. But the Lord placed me in pageantry and modeling and being a podcast host. You know what I mean? Like it's just He redeems every pain sweeter than the pain itself, if that may. Sense. So I just I know that no matter what life throws at us, the Bible is truly true. He works everything for good for those who love him. Like everything, even though if we don't see it, even though if we don't feel it, even though it takes 10 plus years, he is going to use it and redeem it. Like your pain, whatever season you're walking in, is never without purpose. It is always producing a harvest. Just like when water hits hits the seed and the soil, it just blooms the flowers or the crops, right? But those that that water symbolizes the tears that you cry. So the tears that you shed would actually produce a bountiful and beautiful harvest for the Lord.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Oh, that's beautiful. That felt good. Okay, I want to shift back to like some of your personal story and how you are, where you're at, just talking a little bit about this journey and getting there. Where were there any moments when like we know that God is so good and He was there and you felt him and He was real? And he was like, I know He's real. So in those times and those journeys when he was silent and you didn't feel him, did it ever feel like it wasn't preparation? Did you ever feel like you wanted to walk away? And what was that that kept you? What kept you? What kept you? What why did you hold on? And what kept you from not leaving God?

Calling In The Waiting Season

SPEAKER_00 23:39

That's a good question. Um so before I started Unspoken with Eggie Park, I was like, okay, Lord, I want to do a podcast because podcast has helped me in my healing journey, and I want to do the same for others who are hurting as well. And so I did a three-month sabbatical from social media, and I asked the Lord for wisdom, I asked the Lord for guidance, I asked the Lord for provision. Nothing, nothing for the first two months, and I was like, Lord, I'm doing this for you. So come on now, Lord. But then I think it was the last day or the last week before the fast ended, and he just gave me the name when I was in a bathroom, like casually in the bathroom, he just the Holy Spirit revealed to me unspoken, unspoken. That's what I want you to do to name it. And then the founder of PopMatch, which is a popmatch, I mean, podcast community, they connect podcast hosts with podcast guests. And so the founder of that reached out to me personally, say, Hey, I think you'll be great fit for this community, which you want to join us. And that is how Unspoken has been blessed with so many of the amazing testimonies you hear. And so I'm just like, okay, even though the Lord feels silent, he is in that silence moment, it's not like he's just sitting still on his throne, like he is working a gazillion things behind the scenes. You can't even begin to imagine or think. And then when the timing is right, he just opened the flat gates and he just provides everything that you need. Like he knows the perfect plan, he knows the perfect timing. And I'm not saying the waiting season is easy, it's been hard. And even right now, while I'm doing this podcast, I face a lot of spiritual warfare, and it's super hard, but I just remember you know, the Lord has already overcome. We already have overcome the battle. I just have to push through, and I'm not doing this alone. And the Lord is with me, and I know that one day I will see the harvest, and those souls will be absolutely worth it.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

Amen. So, what I'm hearing, you all is push. Somebody is at the edge, and they're like, God, I didn't fast, I didn't pray, and I don't hear you. She said she was at the end the last day, and that's when she got the breakthrough. So I want to encourage you to push through, even through the silence. God, I love what you said, even though it's silence, God is still working. Sometimes we feel like, what is he doing? Where is he at? He is still working. That is so good.

Forgiving Without Reconciliation

SPEAKER_01 26:24

You had said that there were people who truly failed you. They uh you felt abandoned, right? They hurt you and they never even apologized. I think that I don't know, I don't know. No, they didn't try. Okay, did you have to forgive people who never said they're sorry? Because I feel like a lot of people believe that forgiveness is just like one beautiful moment and it rarely is. And so, what was that process like for you? And was that important for where you're at now on your journey? The forgiveness?

SPEAKER_00 27:03

Man, forgiveness is hard. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It's super hard. And it's like you said, it's not well, maybe for some people it is one beautiful moment. Praise the Lord for for that. But for me on my journey, it's been super hard. Like I've forgiven my mom, but I recently saw her at a wedding, and it seems like she didn't change at all, so it was super hurtful to me. So, like my emotions of anger and disappointment and pain just bubble up again, you know, and I'm I'm just still resting with the Lord because I was like, Lord, why don't you just change her? Why can't we just, you know, just get along and all that, just being honest with the Lord. But like you said, forgiveness is not oftentimes it's not just a one-linear journey. Sometimes it's like you don't forget it. Seems like you haven't forgiven that person, and then and then you're chill, like you've forgiven that person. But when something triggers you, you're just like, oh my gosh, I'm so mad at that person. But I think God is teaching me to really, like you said, cast everything onto Him. I always pray, you know what, Lord, whatever does not belong in my heart, in my spirit, like anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, pride, please take it away because I don't want to carry the weight. It's not my weight to bury. I want to release it to you, and then may you recycle it, may you transform it to what is good, what is true, what is noble, what is excellent and praiseworthy, and then pour it back to me in greater measure. So that has been my prayer, and it's still in the progress.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

Wow, that's good. I know, even for me, like forgiveness. Sometimes I think that I have, and then when I God lets me know, see, like, you're still dealing with that. There's some things you still have to work on, and I thank God for that because then it's just like, okay, God, there's still some things that I need to work on, and then he lets me know just like you want grace, show grace for others, you know, and so it's just like okay, a constant growing, a constant growing. So, yeah, that that is a beautiful thing. Um, so thank you for sharing that because that's kind of a healing too, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Yeah, yeah, it is actually forgiveness is for us to be set free from the prison of anger and bitterness, yeah, right. And I think what really helped me is to really unlearn that forgiveness meant reconciliation. That's why I didn't want to forgive at first because I'm like, I don't want to be even close to this person because this person is not safe, this person's always hurting me. But then after I learned, oh, forgiveness is not reconciliation, it really helped me to, and it is for my own benefit, it really helped me to slowly forgive.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Yeah, I know. So this

Depression Self Harm And Self Care

SPEAKER_01 30:00

is so good. I have so many different questions, but I do want to talk a little bit about this because I think this is be different behaviors come up, especially when we deal with self-love and and and not feeling worthy and things like that. There's different things that might come up in in self-harm, like eating these disorders, eating disorders and things like that. And I don't think they're just behaviors, these are like languages, right? Yes, it's how we speak when we don't have the words to kind of express what's really going on. Um, I know that you've been brave to kind of share about some of your struggles and things that have been going on. There may be someone listening that is in a similar place where they they're doing certain self-harm and they don't know that this is literally things showing up because you don't have the self-love, and maybe you haven't formed the words to express really what's going on and what's happening. Can you pull the curtain a little bit back on that and maybe encourage people or share something that they might can do to really start talking about that and getting and out because I think it's really helpful, even for their own journey, because we definitely don't want people doing things that that might hurt them in the long run.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Right. Yeah, so I struggle with suicidal thoughts, depression, eating disorders, and uh sometimes self-harm. Not recently, thank God, but like you said, it's a deeper issue. I think it's because we don't know how to express our pain, so we resolve in those coping mechanisms. And I just want to encourage all of us that it is okay to love yourself in a healthy way, not in a prideful way, but in a healthy way where you know what, you feel stressed, you feel overwhelmed, you feel burdened. Go do something that makes your heart joyful. Like, I don't know, for me, it's eating sushi and having boba. That's that's me, you know. So when I'm overwhelmed, stressful, I just do simple things like that, and just resets my brain, it resets my day, and it tells me, hey, it's okay to do something nice for yourself because you are worthy of joy, you are worthy of love. And I want the listeners to do that, even the simplest things. And for the Christian listeners, I want you to know it's okay to love yourselves in a biblical way. Because I used to think, oh, we can't love yourself, like we can't love ourselves because you know we ought to always serve others and sacrificially love others. But when it comes to getting a massage from my own or getting a nice meal on my own, I felt guilty because I'm like, but what about the other people who are hungry? I are I'm am I not using this time and this money to serve others? And so I want you to know that God cares about you as much as He cares for the other people. Like He He doesn't categorize, oh, you have a good, therefore I don't really care about you less or more. No, He cares about your every little need, and He wants you to have a joyful, full, abundant life on this earth and the next. And so, yeah, I just encourage your listeners to really take care of themselves, mind, body, heart, soul, not just the spiritual things, but also your your heart, your your body, and to spend it with the Lord. The Lord is not just in church or when we serve or when we fast, you know, He is with us everywhere we go, whatever we do. We watch a movie, we eat dinner, like invite the Lord into your day, and that way you know that hey, I'm not alone. I'm never alone, even though it feels alone, I'm never alone. And then I asked the Lord, Lord, can you show me just little signs here and there that I'm not alone, that you see me? And then he just sometimes it just surprises me with ridiculous gifts, just such as when we were going to a restaurant and the waiter was like, you know what? I'm gonna give you a free you guys free dinner today. And I was like, What? Why? It's like I just felt like it. So those little moments just sometimes when we take care of ourselves, even those moments God can use to reveal his love for us. I don't know if that answered your question.

SPEAKER_01 34:56

Yeah, I think it's really important. And also I want to throw in there is therapy is okay. There's nothing wrong with going to seek professional help. And so it's okay because sometimes we need to talk to someone who is not attached to the situation. Yeah. Sometimes we'll go to family and friends and things like that, and they're personally attached to the situation. And sometimes for whatever reason, we just don't like or we can't receive their advice because they're too close to it. But it's okay to seek sound advice from a professional. But like you said, as Christians, we can't look at taking care of ourselves as selfish. The Bible tells us to love ourselves as we love our neighbors, right? So you that means it's okay to take care of yourself. Our body is the temple where the whole dose is at. So that means we have to take care of it. You can't pour from an empty cup, yeah. So there's so many scriptures that support us really physically taking care of ourselves so that we are able to. I cannot serve if I'm physically not able to, right? And so it's important for us to have that balance. We shouldn't do anything in a prideful way, we should always be humble and servant, but but always, always, always be mindful. How am I taking care of this temple? How am I doing the thing so that I can honor God in a way that also that that honors him? And so that means it's okay to do always check your heart. That's that's the most important thing. Check your heart again, and I think it's my heart, yeah. Yep, you will be okay with that. So I always be like, oh my god, I can't believe how fast this time is

Unspoken And Unfinished Stories

SPEAKER_01 36:40

going. I really want to get down to a little bit about your podcast and things like that. So let's let's go there because you went from being silent to speaking your truth, hunting. Yes, you're hosting the podcast called The Unspoken Podcast, right? I'm just gonna I have to show this because this is amazing. Do you see what God does, y'all? Do you see what my God does? Y'all heard her testimony, y'all heard from her mouth, right? Y'all heard her story. He doesn't just heal the wound, he turns it into a weapon, right? Yes, that is what she is out here doing. She is using her voice, she is telling you that your voice is okay to be used as well. Was there a moment in your podcast when you thought, This is why God saved my voice? This is why God said, Girl, you went through all this, and now it's time. Like, was there an awakening moment that you understood? Like, wow, this is why.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

I used to think that only victory stories and only finished stories have the power to change people's lives. But God revealed to me, hey, I want you to do a podcast where people who are still struggling with stuff, people who are in the in the between seasons, their story is as beautiful, as powerful, as impactful at those as those finished and victorious stories. So one of my favorite guests was Alicia. She was still battling with drug addiction recovery and possibly facing homelessness again, but she was brave enough to actually share her story, her unfinished raw story on Unspoken. And she didn't believe that she her, not didn't believe, but she didn't think that her story could make an impact, you know. But her bravery and her courage got used that, like you said, God looks at the heart, and that story was actually used in a church, in a ministry in church in Kenya, at our drug addiction recovery ministry. So I'm like, Lord, you're so good. Like you don't just want or use the perfect, polished version of ourselves, even in the midst of our ugliness and our scars and our pain, you still can give hope to people because everyone is going through like anything, right? No, there's nobody that's not going through anything. So sharing those unfinished, real, raw stories gives them hope that healing and hope and freedom is possible where they at right now, not sometime in the distant future.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

Wow, that's beautiful. Is there anything else you want to share about your podcast to the listeners that they might be surprised about or would love to just know about your podcast?

SPEAKER_00 39:58

So, my podcast, our hashtag is rawreal because we already redeemed, we love raw and real and unfinished stories. So if you want to share your story on Unspoken, please do email me. And I think Lenice has my email, so she put it somewhere. But our main mission and vision is to help people help people believe in the power of their own story to transform pain into purpose and rooting identity in Jesus Christ. That is our main purpose. That is our heart. And our heart is to remind people, even when you are broken, even when you think you're too far gone, God still loves you, and you are as worthy as your glorified perfect version in eternity. Like you're still worthy, as worthy now as later on.

Pageants Body Image And Dignity

SPEAKER_01 40:59

So I do want to talk a little bit about your work in the pageant world too. Yes. Um, because just because I mean, I just think your story is just so powerful. Just knowing a little bit of what you shared about your history. Now you're using your voice, you're changing life, you're changing stories, honey. You're just out there doing it. And at some point, you were like literally shamed your your body, you like you just you wasn't loving it. You said you were you're doing harm and all that. And when you think about a pageant, a pageant is a place where you get up and they're literally judging your body, right? They that is what happens. I mean, it's very body forward. Let's just be honest, okay? And now you're on stage, you're being judged by uh others, your appearance, it's not just your body, it's your whole appearance. That's pageants. I mean, it's it's it has this beautiful thing, but it's about that too. For someone who who once punished their own body, how do you reconcile that? How does how does a woman who once hated their own body learn to present it with confidence and crown it with dignity? That might help someone else listening who who's punishing their body now. How did you do it?

SPEAKER_00 42:28

Man, it's been a long journey. I had, and I'm still struggling with some eating disorders, but I was bulimic, I was anorexic at one point. I think I used to weigh 98 pounds. So I struggled with a lot of eating disorders. And I'm not saying I'm there yet. I'm not saying I'm perfectly healed, I completely love my body. Some days I don't love myself, I don't love my face, I don't love my body. Honestly, I'm like, it's just the truth. But I think pageantry, it depends which pageant. So this pageant pageant with right now, Royal United Universe, they encourage to be the real you. Their hashtag is be real, be royal. They celebrate who you are, not the polished perfect version, but your everyday, normal, mundane version. And that is such a gift from God because I used to think I used to compete in pageants, and when I didn't get chosen, you know, I felt like, oh, I'm not good enough. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't skinny enough, right? But with this pageant, he really is showing me like, hey, you are a princess of the King of Kings because you are my daughter. Like this crown symbolizes more than just a crown, it symbolizes that we are the daughters of the Most High. And to inspire other women and to remind other Women, that even though you're imperfect, even though you're broken, that God can still use your voice to make an impact with both your strengths and your weaknesses, with both your scars and your beauty.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

Wow. So tell us a little bit about being Mrs. California Royal United Universe. When is that? What is that all about? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 44:25

So, yeah, like you said, the pageant is called Royal United Universe. And I represent California at this moment during this year, and I will be competing for the Mrs. Royal United Universe title in September. And as I mentioned before, this pageant really encourages being real, being you, and to be celebrated and to be valued as you are. Because most of the time, pageants look for the perfect polished version. And as a young girl, I always wanted to compete in Miss Universe, but you know, I'm not tall enough, so I couldn't compete. But I always thought, oh man, these women are so perfect in every way. Like they can talk well, they're so tall, they're so skinny, they're so pretty, they have nice long, smooth hair. Like I'm not like that. But I just want you to know that you know, your beauty and your identity is not it's not from outward appearance. It just reminds me of the story of David and Samuel, when that I forgot who the prophet was, but the prophet God told the prophet to choose the next king. And then was it Jesse? Yeah, Jesse called all the other sons who are tall and handsome, and even the prophet thought, oh, surely this is the one, surely this is the one. And then Lord said, Nope, nope, nope, nope. He called the least of them small, the youngest little David, the shepherd, because the Lord does not look at the outward appearance, he looks at the heart. And I don't know if this is true, but for me, for example, if I watch a movie or a show, if a person doesn't seem that pretty or attractive to me, but then their character is so like wow, right? Like they're so kind, they're so like loving and generous, like they become beautiful to me. Like, I think the inner beauty thing is truly real. Like when you are beautiful from the inside, it just shows on the outside.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

So yeah, so I want to because you talked about hope and how God gives you hope and all that, and I think that's beautiful.

Unlearning Love And Finding Safety

SPEAKER_01 46:41

You've been through a lot of abandon abandonment abuse, and but you just God redeemed it all, God has truly redeemed it all, and he even redeemed your love life, right? Yes, so we want to give we want to give our listeners some hope too. So you have a husband that truly, truly loves you, and so I did just want I just want to ask about that really quickly. Was there anything that you had to unlearn in order to have this healthy relationship and really have this bond with your now husband?

SPEAKER_00 47:27

That's so good. So, because of my low self-worth, how I used to see myself and still now a little bit, I was involved in a lot of toxic relationships and narcissistic relationships where the guys just took advantage of me and just treated me however they wanted, and I just accepted it because I thought I wasn't worth the fight, right? I because I had I believed that I had no worth. But God was just so kind that he sent my husband and we met through an online dating website, actually, and I was the first woman he saw, and he was the first man I saw in person. And honestly, I was actually still dating my narcissistic ex at that time, and we were not in good terms. And then my now husband found out, and then he was like, No way, Jose, I'm not dating this girl, she's crazy. But then God told my now husband, said, You know, she needs you. Just reach out to her and see where that goes. It just reminded me of the story of Hosea, of God's just unconditional pursuing love. That even though we are faithless, we are always turning our backs, not always, but when we turn our backs to him, he always pursues us, right? And so now I have a husband who really loves me and cherishes me and honors me and treats me with respect and care and love. And I had to unlearn that I had to earn my love. Like I felt like, oh, if I wanted my husband to love me, I had to, I don't know, serve him. Like, I don't know, like work for him or clean the house or like prepare a meal or whatever, right? I had to do something nice so that he loves me. But I just remembered one time when I had my wisdom tooth extracted all four of them, and I couldn't do anything because I was in so much pain afterwards. He still showed up for me, he still bought me food, he still like took care of me, he still like you know what I mean? Like it just truly showed me like, hey, I don't have to earn my love because if somebody truly loves you, they love you for who you are, not what you do for them. That's what I have unlearned, and also that's what God is showing me. That's how He sees us.

SPEAKER_01 49:55

Wow, that is beautiful, ladies. I hope you're listening up today. See, y'all wasn't ready for all these jewels, she just dropping them left and right and left and right. This has been so good.

The Truth For The Voiceless

SPEAKER_01 50:10

So I do want to ask you if there is a person listening right now and they heard all this good stuff, and they're like, This was so good, but you know, I'm still kind of feeling invisible. I feel like I'm voiceless, I'm unworthy of love. What is the most urgent and most tender truth you want to whisper directly into their heart at this moment?

SPEAKER_00 50:39

That's good. Never believe in the lie that you don't have purpose, that your voice doesn't matter because you think it's too broken. But God truly uses every broken story and every broken people. If you look at the Bible, they were all very broken people, right? Those are the very people God uses because then his glory will shine even more. So I just want to encourage all of your listeners to really anchor our identity in Christ and to speak that those truths over our lives when we feel doubt about our identity or when we feel worthless. Memorize scripture that talks about your worth in Christ, that he knew you, he formed you in your mother's womb. He knew you before he formed you in your mother's womb, and he has a good plan for you, he has a good purpose for you. And reminding ourselves that truly the truth will set you free, right? Even when Jesus was in the wilderness, tempted by the devil, he just used God's word and Satan flee. So I just encourage all of us to really memorize scriptures that can battle those lies at that moment and truly ask the Lord, how do you see me, Lord? Because I don't see how you see me, and how I see myself is oftentimes not true. So show me the truth, how you see me. Reveal to me in a way that I can really understand and believe it with all my heart.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

That was beautiful. Thank you so much again for joining us. Can you remind our listeners how they can connect with you?

SPEAKER_00 52:30

Yes. So if you have any prayer requests, any questions, any comments, I really want to walk live with you. So please do shoot me an email. It's kind of long. Lenice would put it somewhere. It's called the Unspoken Pod with Aggie at gmail.com. I think Aggie or Aggie Park. Aggiepark at gmail.com. And on Instagram, you can find me at un underscore spokenpod or Aggie poured out for Jesus. So please do reach out. I would really love to connect with you. I would really love to see your face and hear your voice and yeah, just support you and walk life with you.

SPEAKER_01 53:10

Wonderful. Thank you. Thank you so much. As you go about your day, I invite you all to reflect on Aggie's journey, where you're at in your own life. Do you feel silent? Is God preparing your song? Is he changing your voice? He wants to redeem you. Oh my God. Aggie, your story just reminds us that God doesn't just restore what his lost, he reveals who we've always been in his eyes. He kept saying that. And I just think that is so beautiful. Thank you for showing us that his redemption doesn't just change us. It just his redemption changes our whole story, right? And I thank you for that. And so again, remember to connect to Aggie. Here is her podcast. So make sure you check it out. Listen, I'm telling y'all, y'all are going to be blessed by her story. And as always, we definitely would like to close in prayer.

Closing Prayer And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 54:17

Yes, father, for every listener who grew up feeling silence, remind them that you're always listening. For every heart that believes they're unwanted, sing over them. Restore voices, redeem stories, heal body images, Father God, Lord. Rewrite, Father God, Lord, love stories, Father God, Lord, right now. Remind them that being broken never disqualify them, it prepares them for their purpose. And it's in Jesus' name that we pray. And if you're listening and you're between the prayer and the promise, remember that God is right in the middle. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to Between the Prayer and the Promise. If this episode encouraged you, we'd love for you to like, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Your support helps us reach more people who are walking through their own season of waiting. But here's what matters most. Remember to trust God, not just when the answers come, not just when the blessings show up, but right here in the way, right here in the silence, right here in the in between. He is faithful. He sees you and he's working, even when you can't see it yet. Until next time, keep believing, keep trusting, and keep holding on. Um when he sleeps, and I promise you, God is faithful.